I Need You (Deimos)

Deimos rested his forehead against hers as she did so, trying not to flinch at her words. I just... I wish it really could be like that... But the truth of the matter is... Because of our pasts, I don't know that either of will be able to live that peacefully. I feel like I'm fighting a losing battle every day, I don't know when it'll stop. He told her honestly. He felt like it'd be enough to get her to not worry as much while also not revealing his relapse. Still, not revealing the whole truth felt like he was lying, right to her face at that.

He pulled away and looked to his coffee, running a finger along the side of the cup. I try not to, but every time I think of the future, I just get overwhelmed. Anxious. Worried.

Deimos felt like she knew. Like she was waiting for him to say it. He sighed, hitting the counter with his fist lightly, debating if he actually wanted to tell her. He didn't want to lie to her, though. That was the last thing he wanted to do.
Rosalind... He began hesitantly. He kept his head lowered, biting his lip. After you ran I... went to... He paused, letting out a breath, I relapsed. He told her simply, staring intently at his coffee. I'll stop again I just... He began quickly, but his thoughts fizzled out and he remained silent, not even acting like he'd look at her.

Deimos kept looking at his coffee as Rosalind spoke. He hoped that day could be soon. Very soon. Now that he'd relapsed, even though he literally just promised he'd be sober again, his mind was already craving more. He hadn't forgotten the events of the night yet, even though this was a nice reprieve from it. But he also knew he couldn't depend on alcohol to wipe out anything bad that happened. He'd have to prepare to face unpleasant situations head on. At least according to Tumblr, that was one of the ways to help combat bpd. He wasn't sure he could be ready for that yet, though. Maybe wait until he got a therapist. But he also couldn't run to alcohol every time something happened between him and Rosie. He scrunched up his nose before finally looking to her.

I really hope you're right... He told her, also taking a sip of his drink. He rested his elbow on the coffee bar.He gave her a somewhat weak smile, feeling like he was already lying, I'll try to stay honest with you. He looked down at his hands, fidgeting a bit, I'll try not to let my mind psyche myself out to the point I end up lying. He promised her. His heart hurt a bit, saying that when he knew it wasn't fully true.

Deimos nodded, glad he found someone so understanding. He never stopped addictions from happening, figuring one of them would kill him sooner or later. He had been so ready to be a statistic, and now he didn't necessarily want to be alive, but he was more adamant about not becoming a statistic now. His features softened and he let a smile cross his face as she gave him affection. He gave her a nod, Yeah.. I will. Eventually was easy to promise. Eventually didn't have a time limit.

His brain seemed to stall as she mentioned kids. At least she said adopting, that was promising. But still, he felt like his thoughts were stuttering. Exactly.... how many kids do you want? He asked her, making a face. He'd always been far too neutral on kids. He didn't know how he'd feel about caring for them. He could barely take care of himself on good days. How could he take care of a tiny human?

Deimos raised an eyebrow. Was Rosalind aware of who she was talking to? Sure he had a kid brother, but by the time he even knew of Felix's existence, the kid was already 11. He'd never taken care of a kid kid. He had a couple cousins he grew up with, but none of them liked him and vice versa. He knew she was joking about ten kids... well, he hoped she was joking. Rosie seemed like someone who would want a lot of kids. She sounded like she'd make a excellent parent.

We'll have to discuss this further. He told her hesitantly. I think I could handle like, maybe three kids. I'm not good with them. I'm awkward and they scream and I don't know what's wrong, assuming I even notice. He took a breath, feeling like his thoughts were racing. He rested his forehead against hers, pulling her a bit closer to him, staring her straight in the eyes. And I don't know the first thing about changing diapers. He added with a short laugh.

Deimos leaned against the bar, holding his coffee. I am an old man, then. He joked lightly. He thought over her words. I mean... of course I'm fine with adoption. I was adopted. He paused, realizing something. Actually, a lot of hybrids end up in adoption centers. He mused. Not that he'd want a hybrid for a kid. He knew he caused his parents enough grief. He didn't want to know what it'd be like to raise a kid like him. Still, he had a feeling that'd be something Rosalind would look into, something she'd be interested in. Helping people just seemed to be part of her natural personality. She stayed by him because he was troubled. Or something.

He still didn't know how he felt about having more than one kid, or even any kids. For being adopted himself, he had never really considered it. Probably because before they got together, he never considered he'd end up married. In a relationship. And he never considered himself responsible enough to ever consider raising a kid on his own. As it was, even in this day and age, he still heard about couples with a deaf person who were told they weren't fit for parenting. And that was just the tip of the iceberg for his problems.