Alpha and Omega (Cai)

Deimos was taken aback by Cai's words. For a moment he was speechless, noticing Cai's hands were shaking. He had never felt as emotionally raw as he felt now. Cailean had never said words like that before. He loved him? "All the more reason to get out of your life." He muttered. His face hardened, and he let out a low growl. "And how else am I supposed to feel? Everyone has told me I'm too much trouble or a burden, or something. You'd probably live better without me around." He sat up, taking his hand back, "No one asked you to come here, Cai. Go back to the school or something."

Deimos felt the sting of the slap before he even registered he'd been hit. He didn't have time to react to that though as Cailean grabbed him by the hair. He winced, barely managing to keep his eyes open enough to process what Cailean was saying. He wanted to fight back, but something in him wouldn't let him. He felt like a dog with its tail between its legs, being scolded and punished.

He wanted to tell Cailean it was the nature of bpd to destroy every bridge he tried to so carefully build. That he tried, really tried not to jump to conclusions but his brain wouldn't let him live him in peace. But his voice just wouldn't work, he opened his mouth but then closed it again. A lump was forming in his throat again. At this point, true recovery seemed impossible, when a month ago he was well on his way. He had gone nearly six months without alcohol or self harm and it all came crashing down when he just made an assumption. The rational part of him knew Rosalind would never cheat on him, she needed him just as much as he needed her. But his stupid mind wouldn't shut up about it. His chemically inbalanced brain would sit there and convince him his wife was cheating on him with the first other guy she met and he was nothing but a burden to the other people that got close to him.

He squirmed uncomfortably, trying to get out of Cailean's grip, but failing. He still couldn't form a rational sentence, and now his chest ached to accompany his throat. He clenched his hands into fists, looking away from Cailean. "How is she?" He asked quietly. He chewed his bottom lip, glancing to Cai occasionally to see if he'd speak. He was worried about Rosalind, of course he was, she was sleeping in a flower shop for heaven's sake. But he couldn't address his own problems, not yet. He had no less than twenty texts from his therapist, and except for one telling her he was still alive, Deimos hadn't responded to a single one. Felix had also messaged him, but he barely reached out to his brother as well. He knew where to start, if he fixed his relationship with Rosie, his mood would at the very least change by 90° and he'd go from complete executive dysfunction to depressed but functional. At this point, he really owed it to Cai, but his mixed feelings for the werewolf refused to let him admit that. Maybe one day he'd say thank you. 'Hey by the way, thanks for not letting me die I guess.' Yeah... That'd go over well.

Deimos took over and held the ice pack up to his cheek gingerly and watched Cailean. He felt like his heart stopped at the mention of the dude having a fiancee. Had he really been that blind? Of course he had. It was just like him to be that dense. It was as he was brooding about it that he realized what Cailean had called him. He narrowed his eyes, scowling slightly at the other man. "Don't call me that." He said, though unlike usual, there was no malice in his voice.

He looked down in his lap, picking at the edge of one of the bandages that had just been put on him. "She probably hates me..." He murmered. He looked back up at Cai with a pained expression, "I already promised her like a year ago I would try to ignore the irrational thoughts. I knew she'd never cheat. But I still accused her. How the hell do I make that up to her?" And how many times will she forgive me before my mental illness chases her away for good? His mind asked, though he couldn't bring himself to voice it.

Deimos looked down, letting out a sigh. "I guess I'd better..." He muttered. He ran a hand along his arm, and it stopped at the band-aid on his wrist. Rosalind would be disappointed at how fast he fell because of something he did. He stood up with a sigh, looking to Cailean. "Thanks, I guess." He muttered, glancing to the other man, "But you don't have to lie, either. You said it yourself I was burdensome."

Deimos looked down, "If you say so." He said blandly. His hand went to his wrist again, "Gee, thanks." He muttered. He hated that Cailean was probably right. Rosalind would assume he'd destroy himself before actually apologizing.

He raised an eyebrow, "You bought a car? Why? You're going back to the school, aren't you? Why did you buy a car???" He stressed. He couldn't have Cailean living here. He left the school to get away from everyone except Rosie. That definitely included Cai. Now he was bitter, he'd gotten his driver license just over a month after they got here, and he still didn't have a car. How the heck did Cailean get a car? How did he get the money for a car? This was unfair. "Yeah, sure, whatever." He answered belatedly.

Deimos wanted to protest more. What made Cai decide to stay instead of go back? "What did you find a girl or something?" He muttered under his breath, but followed Cailean to his car. It was a nice car, and Deimos was trying to hide his jealousy at seeing it. He wanted a car. It would make life a lot easier. Then again, he supposed not having a car had one pro to it; his parents hadn't asked him to visit since the holidays (though they had started bugging him about visiting for the upcoming holidays).

He got into the car and pulled out his phone. He couldn't think about what he'd say to Rosie, figuring he'd just wing it/let his heart speak for him, so he hesitantly opened his text messages. There were five from Felix, the last one a dramatic, Fine, ignore me. :(((((( Then there were the ones from his therapist. The notification said there were ten but he had checked a couple days ago just to get the notifications off his screen. Sorry I've been missing my appointments. This week I'll be there. Until then I'm ok. He sent to her. He'd figure out what to tell Felix later, but he didn't need to be put into another involutary psychiatric hold because of a paranoid therapist. He'd take care of getting Rosie to forgive him, and then work on his brother.