Missing You

Deimos was floored. How could his parents say that? Did the fact that they didn’t know he was there make it better, or worse? He hadn’t even been home a month yet, and already they were talking about these sorts of things? He hadn’t done anything wrong, not here, not yet. Talking about what they’d do with him? Like he was some… animal? Not their son. He went back to his room, laying on his bed and closing his eyes. His room hadn’t changed, so clearly they expected him to return at some point, right?

Did they regret adopting him? Was he a burden because he was hybrid, or because he was deaf? Or was it both? He was a loose cannon who almost got sent home for killing someone only three years prior. Was it because of his bpd? Why didn’t they want him, what had he done so wrong he was seen as a burden to his own parents?

He was shocked awake when he felt a tap on his arm. He hadn’t even realized he had fallen asleep, but he realized he had dreamed, and they were filled of all the ways his parents could say they never wanted to see him again. He sat up as he realized both his parents were in the room, and his heart started beating faster. His dreams - no, nightmares - were about to come true, he was sure of it.

So, what did you plan to do here? His dad asked him in sign language.

“Uhh…” Deimos began, furrowing his eyebrows. His signs seemed just as confused as his words, “Like… why am I here? Or…?”

His dad chuckled and shook his head, patting Deimos’ shoulder. He was about to say something when Zoe got both the boy’s attention, We just want to know that you’re not going to laze around the house. You should be actively trying to get a job, maybe more education if you wish.

Deimos frowned bitterly at her, I am trying to get a job, mom. Newsflash: the economy fucking sucks.

Watch your language. She scolded.

“If I’m such a burden on you guys then why not just kick me out?” Deimos yelled at them.

It was his dad’s turn to be confused, putting a hand on Deimos’ shoulder. “Where is this coming from?” He asked, signing it as well.

Deimos lowered his head, playing with his nails. “I saw you guys talking last night. About how you didn’t know what to do with me.” He glared at them accusingly, “If you had wanted to get rid of me by sending to that damned academy, you should’ve made it more clear you didn’t want me coming back.” He didn’t let them say anymore, turning to face the wall, ignoring his parents as they tried to get his attention.

That night, he had a hard time sleeping. With it being the full moon, his pain was intense, and his anger didn’t make it any better. He knew his dad still had prescription pain pills from a surgery he had a while back, and he also knew there was alcohol in the fridge. He could try again. He could end it and stop being a burden. He snuck through the house, but was caught as he was going for the alcohol, the light flipping on and his parents standing in the kitchen doorway. What are you doing, Deimos? His father asked, his face stern but worried.

Getting out of your lives. Deimos replied honestly, his frustration apparent in his signs.

Andreas sighed, going to his son and holding out his hand expectantly.

“What?” Deimos asked him.

“Give me the pills.”

“No.”

“Deimos, give them to me.” His dad stressed, signing as well. At more signs of resistance, he reached out and tried to grab the pills from Deimos’ hand.

And that’s when it happened. A snap seemed to echo through the room, and Zoe gasped before Andreas could even register what happened. “Deimos!” He gasped, holding his arm gingerly as looked accusingly at his son.

“I said no.” Deimos told them, his face dark.

Zoe hesitantly went to her husband and son, Deimos, please just hand us the pills. We don’t want you dead. We just want to see you do well.

“By getting rid of me?!” Deimos accused.

She reached for his hand, but he grabbed her arm with his free hand. Zoe winced, expecting it to be broken like her husband’s was, but instead the sharp pain she felt was from his nails digging into her skin. “D-Deimos that’s not…” She wiggled her arm free, quickly signing, that wasn’t our intentions. You misunderstood.

Sirens were becoming louder outside, Andreas had called an ambulance. Paramedics showed up soon after, and Deimos barely had time to react before he was being restrained. He only saw his dad mention, ’He’s deaf, so make sure that’s addressed when having doctors talk with him.’ before he was carried away.

He had been in the hospital for a week now, kept there under code 5150 - involuntary psychiatric hold - for attempted suicide and a potential psychotic break. He knew he hadn’t had one, but the hospital sure thought so. Dissociation, sure, that happened often to him, even more often when it was the full moon, but no, he hadn’t had a psychotic break. He knew what he was doing the entire time. And now he was stuck here. He was irritated, angry, his parents hadn’t visited him at all, so clearly they really did want nothing more than to get rid of him. He was still fuming about that night.

He couldn’t believe his dad called the hospital on him. Getting 5150’ed was never something he expected to experience.

They came to visit later that week though, and they explained how they had been really scared that night, not just for themselves, but for him, that they didn’t want to ever lose him, and they apologized for making him feel like they felt otherwise. Although he said that he forgave them, he was already making plans to leave. He had contacted the headmaster, asking if there was anything he could do at the academy in terms of work. He made it sound like it would just be convenient, Greece was still in an economic depression, he was having a hard time finding work, blah blah blah. Not that he was desperate to escape. The headmaster, as usual, seemed to read right through him, though, and the email Deimos got back was only one line: Is everything okay? Again, Deimos lied, saying everything was fine, but non-disabled people were having an impossible time finding jobs, so of course he couldn’t. Eventually, after realizing Deimos wouldn’t admit to any problems, the headmaster agreed that they would find something for him, and a room would be ready for him once he got there.

It took another week after the final email before he was deemed as no longer a danger to himself, and he was finally released from the hospital. He waited until he was nearly done packing up his things again before telling his parents he was going back to the academy for work, and saying goodbye. He didn’t plan on ever coming back, though he made false promises he would.

The flight to Antarctica was always long, but unlike the rainy winter in Greece, the summer of Antarctica was actually a little warm (for the continent) on the day he returned. He managed to break away from the travel group he’d hitched a flight with, walking a few miles before he arrived at the entrance to the school. He hadn’t really expected it, but this place sort of became like home to him. He (sadly) fit in better here, and the headmaster was as much like a parent to him as his own, though he’d never tell the headmaster that he felt like that.

It was after he had gotten his stuff into his room and he was headed down to the lounge, did he hear someone familiar.

Deimos?

He turned around, but didn’t see her. Maybe he was going crazy. Rosalind was usually hanging out in the gardens if not her dorm, especially when she wasn’t hanging out with him. Suddenly, there were arms around him, and it felt like the girl had launched herself at him, it took all his strength not to fall forward.

I missed you so much! How come you never responded to my messages? Hmm? She asked him, jabbing at his chest accusingly at her question.

Hey kid. He told her, a smile quickly forming on his lips as he casually blocked her finger. I missed you, too.

I thought you went home? She asked, looking up at him.

He had missed her. Probably a little too much. Controversially too much, in fact. He smiled, tucking a bit of her hair behind her ear. I think I am home.