Wishful Thinking [JIN] [CLOSED]

Realizing he'd been staring at the same page for quite some time, Cadoc quickly turned it as the scent of his vampire dorm-mate reached his senses, followed shortly after by the older vamp's voice. Looking up from the paper, he briefly considered putting away his book, but ultimately decided against it, figuring the book could still provide some use as a distraction. It's not exactly a calming experience to be stared at by a vampire, even one he knew well. He frowned at the questions, perhaps simply due to habit instead of actual displeasure. "Thanks, I really needed that input." He muttered, keeping his gaze on Jinhai, before finally directing his attention back towards the book briefly, simply for the sake of avoiding excessively awkward eye contact. "And anyway, there's nothing new with me being nervous. Just the usual." Cadoc himself hardly believed his own words, quick and with false spirit, hopefully he could change the subject to a more concerning matter however. In fact, he fixed another frown on his face, in spite of the fact that he'd grown rather fond of the calico. "Also, that cat of yours got out this morning when I left, I almost skinned my knee catching her. Can't you put her up at night? The last thing I'm in the mood for when I leave is having to chase Rawr down the halls." His nerves were starting to speed up his words, and he drummed his fingers on the cover of the book in spite of having yet to put it down. So much for the library being a place to calm down, he was already starting to bite his lip with the prospect of having to converse with another human, er, being. Living in close quarters with Jinhai had erased the most prominent flight instincts, but it didn't fully prevent his various anxieties.

In spite of himself, Cadoc tensed as Jinhai adjusted his position. 'Looks like he plans on sticking around, wonderful.' His thoughts grumbled, realizing that he wouldn't get back to reading his book for awhile, and that he'd have to stop avoiding the subject of his nerves. Cadoc normally didn't mind the other boy's company compared to others, but he always got especially irritable when he was stressed out like this. Sighing out loud, he closed the book with a fair amount of dismay and set it down next to him. His shoulders sagged as he let his posture flag, dropping the stiff and fake confidence. He paused after Jinhai's last sentence, before finally speaking with the stress and exhaustion tensing his words. "You already know I'm not exactly on close terms with most of my family," he paused, "The twins are going to be coming to Otherworld, and they..." The revulsion he felt directed towards him whenever he'd spent time with the twins wasn't exactly something he knew to put into words. It was as though they thought of him as only prey, and that he belonged nowhere near them, almost as though they believed the pack itself was threatened by his existence. "Distinctly hate me." He finished weakly, feeling rather uncomfortable that his nerves and fear stemmed from his own siblings. A joyless laugh briefly punctuated his sentence, as he ran his fingers through his hair, nervously pushing it back.

Jin's reassurances quelled little of his worries, though a soft laugh did come in response to the vampire's final statement. "How noble of you, Prince Charming." He joked, not thinking much of the offer. "I doubt it'll do much though, if the twins decide to target me they'll make sure they can do it. The whole reason they're getting sent here is because they managed to travel all the way to the London Eye, and then shifted while riding it." He shuddered at the thought, though he knew no one had been directly harmed by the twins actions. Cadoc knew he was overreacting a bit, but he wasn't sure what else to do. It seemed like an impossible downhill battle. It would be best to just stop thinking about it, he knew, but doing so was difficult. 'I might as well try.' He thought dryly, figuring an abrupt subject change would be necessary. Perhaps he could bring up the cat again?

Cadoc scowled, and managed a gruff nod in response to Jinhai's question pertaining supernaturals. He knew the twins were perfectly aware of their actions, but they seemed to sneer at everything and believe they were invincible. It was absolutely ridiculous. He blinked suddenly, too focused on his own thoughts when Jin asked about his book and he sighed a little at his own jitters. "It's 'Mary, Queen of Scotland and the Isles.', one of my favorites." He added with a frown. Even his favorite things didn't seem to be able to hold a smile on his face. "Did you come here for a book?" He tested, not sure of the answer himself. He rarely saw Jin in the library, so he'd been caught off guard when the vamp had come across him. Cadoc supposed it wasn't a crime to enjoy the library, but surely Jin had better places to hang around and be a chatty vamp. Like, anywhere. Cadoc was not exactly a fun person to be around, he knew that, and he knew that his nerves would either make him spill all his thoughts or become a snippy and rude conversation partner. Jin didn't seem to hate him, but Cadoc figured that would change if he talked enough.

'In other words, you couldn't find the cool kids and stumbled across your wreck of a dorm mate.' The thought was laced with self-loathing, but Cadoc avoided openly voicing his opinion. It seemed to be the right choice, given the vamp's next sentence which caught Cadoc off guard. Was it so obvious he wanted to be alone? Did he? He knew he came off as disparate, but he'd thought it was slightly better around Jinhai. The sigh that followed the vamp's statement struck Cadoc by surprise too, and he blinked in confusion. Regardless, the words seemed to have distracted
Cadoc to focusing more on the now. He knew he should apologize, so he attempted to do so, in his awkward, quick-nature of run-on sentences. "Sorry, Jin. I'm just tense, and confused right now, I know I'm not great at the whole friend thing, I thought I'd been getting better." He knew he had, but 'better' for him was 'socially functional' and that didn't equate to much. Damn, was he really that much of an ass? 'It's a wonder anyone can hang out with me.' His thoughts snarked internally, while outward he mumbled, hearing the slightest traces of his long-abandoned accent slipping through.
"I'm real sorry, it's been a tough day." 'Excuses.'

'I suppose I really should start trying to be a bit nicer, he returned the vamp's smile with a tired, but happier one, 'Jinhai's a really nice guy, I shouldn't be rude to someone when I live with them anyway.' Maybe if he started to relax more in his own room, it would help to relieve some of the other anxieties he'd feel throughout the day. Jinhai's final sentence allowed him to relax a little more, though it was more so because he figured the guy was just trying to make him feel better. Cadoc didn't think the promise was serious, but he smiled anyway. Even if it was just words, it made him feel better. He knew Jin had never really tried to eat him or anything, and while that could quell some of his worries, he still was plagued with the tragic uncertainty of what-if's. It was always better to just not think about things, else his mind would wander to the darker paths. 'Change the subject.' "Thanks, always good to know I've got a scary vampire with me. Are you hungry by the way? I haven't eaten dinner yet."

Well, no one said Cadoc was smooth at changing the subject. How many times had he done that during this conversation? A lot.